The Hunger Games
by Tony Gambino
Summary: An Epic Tale as Told by CrazyDrLove


The Hunger Games

An Epic Tale as Told by CrazyDrLove

It was a cold winter morning in the city of H-Town. The sun slowly rose over the horizon and the sounds of rap music and yelling could be heard in the distant skyline of the city. Throughout the boisterous city the cheerful noises of singing, dancing negroes filled the streets. No one would ever imagine that the city of H-Town had a dark and sinister side. The locals tell stories of a championship hosted in H-Town in which people from around the world compete in tests of endurance and survival. However, most of the locals dismiss this tale as a simple urban legend. None of them knew how wrong they were…

On the other side of town there was a quiet and tranquil suburb. Gangplank, the saltwater scourge, woke from his deep slumber and immediately walked to the streets of the suburb to fetch his daily newspaper. He walked back into his house and turned on the T.V. There was an episode of _Urban Legends_ about the story of the Championship of H-Town. Gangplank was intrigued by the story and decided to pay a visit to his neighbor Master Yi, the dunking machine. Master Yi and Gangplank sat at the front porch exchanging stories of their past battles and exploits. It was at that moment Gangplank brought up the Championship of H-Town. Master Yi fell silent.

"The story is true," said Master Yi. "I have competed in the championship before, and I was the victor, as I always am."

"You can't be serious?" retorted Gangplank. "There couldn't be a championship like that in our city without anyone finding out."

Master Yi sat silently for a few seconds. He remembered his horrible memories of the Championship of H-Town. He did not wish to speak about his experiences, but he could not let Gangplank believe that he was lying. Master Yi then remembered that because he had won the championship, he would be allowed to choose a contestant for a future championship. He decided to tell Gangplank about the competition.

"Would you like to experience the Championship of H-Town first hand?" said Master Yi.

"I might as well, I mean It's not like I have a _second hand_!" said Gangplank. "Get it? Because I'm a pirate."

Master Yi was amazed that Gangplank could conjure up a joke of that magnitude. He was also pleased that Gangplank would compete in the games. He explained to Gangplank that if he won, they would both receive one-hundred million dollars. Gangplank sprung an erection at the thought of the money.

"I guess you could say I have _wood_!" said Gangplank. "Get it? Because I'm a pirate and I have a wooden leg."

Master Yi was once again astounded that Gangplank could think of such an amazing joke. He took Gangplank to the home of Bryan Gonzales, an illegal Mexican living in H-Town. Bryan was in charge of recruiting competitors. Master Yi left while Bryan took Gangplank to a warehouse on the outskirts of town. Gangplank had no idea what was in store for him. When, they arrived at the warehouse, Gangplank was struck upon the head with a baseball bat and went unconscious.

Several hours later, he woke up within the warehouse. He noticed the shackles around his ankles and his wrists. He was so scared of what was going to happen to him that he began shaking uncontrollably.

"_Shiver me timbers_," said Gangplank, "I am so scared right now!"

Suddenly there was rustling in one of the dark corners of the warehouse. Gangplank noticed that there were four other people in the warehouse chained up to the walls. Suddenly the lights turned on and Gangplank could see the other four people in the room. He recognized the people in the room as his old friends and enemies from when he was in the League of Legends. He saw that the other people chained to the walls were Twisted Fate, Mordekaiser, Graves, Ryze. They all stared at each other with blank expressions on their faces. A giant monitor came down from the ceiling and a man appeared on the screen. This man was none other than the legendary Columbian Santiago Lopera. The man began speaking,

"Eh, Hello compete yes you? You will be starve for week three and only water you can drink. Then we put you in fat Americ golden coral and if you eat we tortur you and keel you. You will can eat each other and it don't count as eat food. Plis appeljek sok gif. Do you want compete?"

The champions all stared at each other not knowing how to respond. Then all at once they agreed to compete. For three weeks the champions endured starvation and were only allowed to drink water. The pain was excruciating, but they all pulled through the 21 days of starvation.

The sun seemed to rise slowly on this Christmas day when the competition would begin. The five champions were awoken and unshackled. They were put into separate vans and driven to the H-Town Golden Corral. They finally arrived at the Golden Corral. The champions looked around and saw nobody except themselves and the spectators in the quiet streets of H-Town. It was, after all, Christmas day. The doors to the Golden Corral opened wide, and the champions rushed in. The smell of delicious foods was overwhelming for them. They rushed towards the food to eat as much as they could, but they were interrupted by a loud slam. The doors to the Golden Corral were locked shut and the shutters closed. The champions remembered that they were competing and dropped the food. Then they realized that they were allowed to eat each other and, fearing for their lives, rushed to separate parts of the restaurant. They all knew that there would be no mercy and were prepared for whatever they had to do.

"I _mast _not eat!" said Gangplank.

A few minutes passed and all the champions were still hiding. Gangplank was the first to take a look at his surroundings. Already he was looking at places where he could gank and where he could hide from his enemies. The other champions slowly came out of their hiding places and began wandering the unusually large Golden Corral. Gangplank was hidden within a cabinet in the kitchen when he heard footsteps nearby. He slowly opened the cabinet to take a look outside and noticed that it was Ryze. He realized that Ryze, being an negro, could not resist the hot sauce smothered fried chicken and nearby grape soda. Ryze was trying his best to resist the foods that lay before him, while Gangplank was only thinking of how he could dispatch Ryze and eat him. Gangplank noticed that there was a fan in the kitchen and devised a plan to murder Ryze. He positioned the fan behind the friend chicken and aimed it towards Ryze, who had his back turned. He turned on the fan and hid behind the counter. The enticing aroma of the chicken was too much for Ryze to resist. He turned and walked towards the chicken, his eyes wide and his hands trembling as he touched the golden, crispy skin. Gangplank sprung up through the chicken tray and stabbed Ryze in the stomach with his sword. Ryze clutched his stomach in pain. He looked at Gangplank and Gangplank said,

"Poor Ryze, too bad you couldn't _rise_ above the rest." and he let out a manly pirate laugh.

Gangplank drew his flintlock and shot Ryze through the heart. He clutched his chest in pain. His vision grew blurry and dark. He fell to his knees and finally to the floor. He stuck his tongue out in hopes of tasting the magnificent chicken which was all over the floor, but it was out of reach. He drew his dying breath and closed his eyes for the last time, his dying wish to taste chicken one last time unfulfilled. And it was there that Ryze died, in a pile of chicken and a pool of his own blood.

Gangplank feasted upon Ryze's body. The nutrients provided by the body restored Gangplank's energy and he realized that another champion might stumble upon this corpse and feast upon it himself. So he took the body to the kitchen and he burned it to a crisp so that no one may eat from it ever again.

Gangplank began to wander the restaurant in search of the other champions. As he walked through the dessert section, he noticed that there was a trail of blood next to the chocolate fountain. He followed the trail cautiously and noticed that Graves was standing next to a dead body. He was ready to attack when he noticed that Mordekaiser walked into the area. Then he saw that Graves did not attack Mordekaiser and he thought it was strange. Suddenly he noticed that Graves did not look normal. He was white and transparent like a ghost. He then realized that Mordekaiser had killed Graves and made his spirit his slave with his magic. He knew he had to kill them, lest his own life be in jeopardy. Gangplank grabbed an orange from the nearby salad bar and threw it across the room into a pile of cups. Mordekaiser noticed the noise and walked towards the pile of cups, Graves a few feet behind him. He inspected the pile and noticed the orange in the pile.

Mordekaiser yelled, "Oh, shiiiiiiiiii-" but it was too late, Gangplank came in behind him and shot him in the head point-blank range. Mordekaisers helmet flew off and his body disintegrated and evaporated into the air.

"I guess you're not numero uno after all," said Gangplank with a hearty pirates laugh.

He turned to Graves who's spirit was freed thanks to Mordekaisers death. He kneeled down next to the body of his past friend.

"My poor friend Graves, you deserved better," said Gangplank, "But at least your name suits you now."

Gangplank took Graves' body to the kitchen and burned it as he did to Ryze. He did not have to get rid of Mordekaiser's body since it was just a suit of armour now. Gangplank then realized that he was about the win the championship. Only Twisted Fate stood between him and the one-hundred million dollars. He hid in the salad bar and waited.

Twisted Fate passed by the salad bar and sat at a table. He knew that only he and Gangplank remained. He took out his deck of cards and began to make a house of cards since he was bored. Gangplank stuck his head out of the salad to see if Twisted Fate was near, but Twisted Fate saw him in the salad and began throwing his cards into the salad bar, shredding lettuce and cheese in the process. Gangplank knew he only had one bullet left, and he had to make it count. He jumped out of the salad bar and threw his hat at Twisted Fate, causing him to flinch. By the time Twisted Fate regained his balance, Gangplank was already at point plank range. Gangplank tackled him into a table and broke it in half. The table support impaled Twisted Fate through the chest and punctured his lung. He held the support beam and gasped for air while blood dripped slowly from his mouth.

"I guess you weren't so lucky this time, my friend," said Gangplank.

Twisted Fate looked up at his friend Gangplank. He remembered the great times and the great friendship that they shared in the past. He congratulated Gangplank on his victory as he slowly suffocated. A tear ran down Gangplanks face, and he put his friend out of his misery.

The doors to the Golden Corral opened and Gangplank walked out. Bryan and Santiago were waiting at the entrance.

"Congratulations Gangplank!" said Bryan. "Here is your money."

"And you also win appel jek soks!" said Santiago.

Gangplank took his prizes and headed home. On his way home, he threw up all of Ryze's dead body and began to starve again. He noticed a bakery nearby and ran towards it. It was closed because it was Christmas day. He broke the window with the butt of his gun and jumped in. He ate all that he could and finally headed home.

Finally, Gangplank arrived at his house. He reached for the doorknob, but was interrupted by the noise of metal behind him. He turned around and a man clad in armour yelled,

"Stop right there, criminal scum! Nobody breaks the law on my watch!"

"I'm s-sorry," said Gangplank. "I was just so hungry!"

"Pay the court a fine or server your sentence," said the man in armour. "Your stolen goods are now FORFEIT!"

"Okay, let me just take out my walle-" said Gangplank, but was interrupted by the man's loud scream.

"Then pay with your blood!"

The armour clad man thrust his sword through Gangplank's chest. Gangplank grasped his chest as the cold steel was drawn from his body. He fell to the ground into a pool of his own blood. His vision grew dark and blurry and he saw the man walking away calmly and disappear just as quickly as he had appeared. Gangplank turned to see a snail quickly sliding across his porch.

Gangplank yelled, "Look at that es-car-_go!_"

He looked up at the moon which was now rising over the horizon. A gentle breeze was blew and soothed his critical wound. Gangplank drew his dying breath and closed his eyes forever.


End file.
